Thursday, June 25, 2009

Can anyone play cover for Lil Wayne...

You have GOT to check this out before someone flags it and takes it down. Now I'm normally very skeptical of posts like this on Craigslist, but I like to image hilarious/ F-d up situations like this one as well so check it out, trust me, it's worth it. (unfortunately the post was removed but here it is for your reading pleasure)

“My son is turning 16 and really wanted Lil Wayne to perform for his birthday gala. Unfortunately his schedule will not permit him to make it. I need a Lil Wayne impersonator desperately.Here is the kicker my son is blind so you do not need to look like the rapper just sound like him. I understand he grunts and mumbles a lot. I don’t care if you are 67 and Jewish if you can sing the songs you’re hired. Money is not an issue. Name your price. Interested individuals please let me know your rap experience, video of you performing as Lil Wayne would be better. If that is not feasible we can arrange for a live audition.Serious inquiries only, this is very important to my family. Young Money Baby!"

Please Please comment, I don't have it in me..ok I'm lying...

This is wrong on soooo many levels.


1. are you that desperate?

2. are all your child's friends blind as well?

3. is there an award for mother of the year by pulling off this deception?

4. are you ready to explain to your child how you lied to him?

During the offering!! just to make you laugh

please please comment!!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

The Stalker Chronicles pt. 2 " The Pitch" aka "The Bid for Control"

Here's long awaited conclusion to The Stalker Conclusion, sometimes you're just in denial about the situation you're in. This is what they are really saying when they say "Baby I'm in it for the loooong run!!"

I will be the best boyfriend you ever had. You'll want to call me because I am fun to talk to. You'll want to spend the majority of your time with me because I'm fun, make you laugh, and always full of surprises and crazy ideas. You don't mind showing me off because I'm hot and always a gentleman with great manners, as well as very sociable. I'll do little things to show I care, those little things that show I really know you...that shows I do pay attention, that shows I do think about you. I will probably be one of the better lays you get, people have told me I'm a freak, I just think I have a normal sex drive, and feel for women who cannot fully experience sex for all it has to offer. Then, that's when I start. You're hooked; you have future thoughts of me. I'm handsome, smart, caring, sensitive, thoughtful, responsible, honest, trustworthy, mature, elegant, refined, well mannered...etc.

But I can also be angry...impatient...jealous...will pick fights for no reason...won't want you to hang out with your friends unless I can come too... will pick at you if you've seemed to forgotten your manners (big thing for me)...well be mad if you are late...won't understand that you need girl time...and I'll be damned if you go on a vacation with your friends while I stay behind. However, I am allowed to go on vacations with my friends. I am allowed to have a guy’s night out. I'll be jealous if you go out to lunch with a male co-worker, although I do it all the time with female co-workers, and about 80% of my friends are girls. What can I say, I just want to be your everything, and the rest, well, there is no rest.

I want to be your best friend. I want to experience life with you. I want for you to feel you are not really on vacation, unless I'm with you. I want for you to rather have me WITH you when you're hanging out with your friends, because I'm a friend too, and I get along with all your friends. I want to be the first person you call when something good OR bad happens. I want you to lavish me with your time, cook me meals, to show me how much you appreciate having me in your life, because even though I am a crazy ass, I’ll bring a lot of joy into your life, and at the same time, make it seem like all my craziness is a small price to pay to have me. You know it because I'm the only man that consumes your mind.

I am the one in your fantasies. I'm the man you want to introduce to your parents AND friends, and the same man you want to take home and just throw into bed. You know I am always there for you, and you know I'll always support you and be an ear, give advice, whatever it is that you are needing at that moment, EVEN if we did just have a huge fight. I might try to emotionally push you away, but don't let me. Else it's onto the next girl, who will feel the same way about me that you did, but by the time you grow some nerve to try to get me back, even though I was the one that broke it off, I'll already be taken. Yet, you'll still have your hopes.... Sound like someone you want? Then you might have more problems than I do...

Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Day (6/19/09)

Today is the official
Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Day :Do you have a co-worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your last nerve with tedious and boring details that you don't give a flip about? Do you have a co-worker who ALWAYS screws up stuff creating MORE work for you? Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much booty, you can look in their mouth and see what your boss had for lunch? Do you have a co-worker who is SOOO obnoxious, when he/she enters a room, everyone else clears it? Well, on behalf of IkeTurner, I am so very very glad to officially announce today as SLAP YOUR IRRITATING CO-WORKER DAY! There are the rules you must follow:

* You can only slap one person per hour - no more .
* You can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the same day .
* You are allowed to hold someone down as other co-workers take their turns slapping the irritant .
* No weapons are allowed . . . other than going upside somebody's head with a stapler or a hole-puncher .
* After you have slapped the recipient, your"assault" must be followed with something like "cause I'm sick of your empty brain always messing up stuff!"

* If questioned by a supervisor or police, (if the supervisor is the irritant), you are allowed to LIE, LIE, LIE! Now, study the rules, break out your list of folks that you want to slap the living day lights out of and get to slapping . . . . . and have a GREAT DAY!