Thursday, September 23, 2010

In Love with Love Versus in Love with You

Many people, if honest, will admit that they're in love with love. They enjoy romance, the beautiful feeling of infatuation and the tremendous energy and happiness that come from being in love.

As people approach life and love from a desire to be in love, a true chemical reaction takes place in their heads. The emotions are set and they go out looking for love. However, what some are really doing is looking for someone to attach their emotions to. That is, they are in love with love, but not really with another person. When they meet a willing participant who may be of the same mind, and in love with love, too, together these two people strike up a chemical connection. Is that a bit cynical? Stay with me.

So, how do you know whether you're in love with love or really in love with the other person you claim to love? Here is my own personal list to tell the difference:

You ask the other person questions to learn about their mind, heart and soul. If all you do is tell them you love them and don't even know them, you are in love with love, not the other person.

You care about the other's person's life and the details of his or her life. Again, you don't live in a fantasy and just talk romantic, you find out what they do, how they feel, what's going on in their heads, with their families, their work, etc.

You put the other person's needs and wants above your own. Unconditional love is the foundation of being in love. Lust is not love. Infatuation is not love. If all you do is think about having sex with this other person, and don't really care to make them a part of your life and you a part of their's, then you're in love with love, not the other person.

You pay attention to how they make you feel and how you make them feel. You're sensitive to not jumping to the wrong conclusion. There is trust. There is understanding. There is a real connection that isn't threatened either by the past, present or future. The relationship is secure...not one of ups and downs continually based on whether or not they call, write or show up on time.

You actually like them, not just love and want them. Many times people who are in love with love do not even LIKE the person they've "attached their in love feelings to." If you spend half your time trying to change the other person, you don't really love them. You love yourself and are trying to make them fit your idea of perfect. Acceptance is a big part of true love.

You do not consider yourself better or worse than the one you love. You continually strive to be at one and at unity with the one you love, but many times it happens naturally because of the connection you share. There is nothing fake about the relationship.

You don't pretend to like what they like to make them believe you're like them. Why would you do that anyway? Being in love with love often causes people to lose their identity and try to be like the other person. When you're in love with the other person, each one respect's each other's hobbies and interests without forcing themselves to be like the other person. For example, I would never pretend to be a sports fan for a guy. Guess that's why I never dated jocks or if I did, it lasted only 5 minutes.

True love is always there...always real...always is unconditional and never abandons the object of one's affection. If in your life you were in love with love, you can be sure you abandoned the one you claimed to love. That's the nature of infatuation and being in love with love.

I will not take credit for this post but I did want to share it with those who follow me. 

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